Movie night for Ricky

I want you to try and do something, that I'm going to tell you right now, is absolutely impossible. I want you to try and imagine starting to lose your sight and being blind by the time you were a first grader. I want you to try and picture yourself being athletic and strong, even taking a wrestling opponent out in 30 seconds because you accidentally gave them a bloody nose. You're strong, you're funny, you're like every other kid except you can't see. But on top of all of that, I want you to imagine living your life knowing everything you learn and accomplish, at some point, you will no longer be able to do.


 This is something I've tried to picture in my mind over the last month and it is impossible to do. A month ago, I met Ricky. Ricky is 18 years old, he's 5'9, doesn't like getting up early for school, loves rap, hip hop, and all sorts of other popular music, like his peers. He's an extreme movie fanatic and has an awesome sense of humor. He likes to talk about the ladies and loves Siri's weird responses. What I just described to you is a typical 18 year old boy. Except Ricky is now struggling to walk and has to use a wheel chair because he is losing his strength. Every time he meets someone new, he has to repeat himself, 5 or 6 times, hoping they will understand what he is trying to say because he is losing the muscles that control his lip movements. He loves M&Ms and eats them a lot, knowing that one day, in the too near future, he will not be able to eat because his muscles won't allow him to swallow. He will be blind, unable to walk, on a feeding tube, and have absolutely no movement or ability to communicate his wants or needs to anyone. He has Batten disease. Families typically find out this diagnosis when their children start losing their vision at a very young age.

Ricky baking with me!

When I met Ricky, I was shocked by the strength of this boy, physically and emotionally. He took my arm and still practiced walking everyday. He tells jokes, even though it takes us awhile to get them. He is such an amazing kid and everyday I've known him he's made me laugh. Knowing all of this about your life and still having the strength to even get up and go to school everyday is unbelievable. 

It may seem silly to some people but Ricky's always wanted to be a ticket-taker at a movie theater. Of course, my first job was a busser at a small little restaurant, so when you really think about your first job, for a movie buff, this would be pretty awesome. Ricky will never be able to have that job. But I wanted him to experience it, only if just one night. 

I figured there was no chance of anyone getting back to me, but I thought the least I could do is reach out to a movie theater to see if he could have that opportunity. Not only did the owner of Penn Cinema, Mr. Penn Ketchum, get back to me but on Monday, November 9th,  he is allowing Ricky to be a ticket-taker for the evening from 6:30-7:30. He is giving Ricky a uniform to get the full experience. Ricky was also so excited for the "Goosebumps" movie and Mr. Ketchum added in a special showing, at 7:45pm, so Ricky could watch it right after his "shift" is over. 

Not only am I truly amazed by Ricky and his entire family, who show such love and more strength on a daily basis than I can ever imagine, but am so happy to know there are people, even owners of huge businesses, that will go out of their way to do something kind for another person.  

I know this post may seem sad and depressing but honestly, when you truly think about it, it should make you look at your life in a more positive way. Ricky and his family have changed my life in the short month that I've known them. When I want to scream because my boyfriend doesn't understand the difference between holiday decorative towels and dish towels, I try to take a deep breath (even though as I'm writing this, I'm getting a little annoyed) and remember that there are people in this world that are experiencing much tougher times than I am. I have met the most inspirational, wonderful people this month and I am so thankful for that. Be happy, positive, and thankful for everything you have and do something nice for someone when you can. 

So with all that being said, if you live in the Lancaster area, come support Ricky and his dream of being a ticket-taker this Monday night at Penn Cinema. You can go see any movie  just as long as you go through Ricky's line and say hello! Remember to be patient with us, as it will be our first night on the job! :) Also, feel free to join us at the special showing of Goosebumps! Please support Penn Cinema for going out of their way to make this happen for Ricky! If you aren't in the Lancaster area, please still share this post to help support Batten Disease awareness. Thank you all so much! I hope to see you all Monday!!!!



                          For more information on Batten Disease visit www.bdsra.org 

Dirty, Dirty, Horrible 30

Okay...so it's been awhile since I have written anything. I guess I was just busy getting old. Usually when the month of May hits, I start the countdown to my birthday. My birthday...glitter and gifts and all my friends stopping their busy lives to make sure to celebrate accordingly! It is now August 18th and my birthday is....tomorrow. This year, I have been dreading this day. For months, I have thought about this single day with shortness of breath and a knot in my stomach.

Tomorrow I will be 30 years old. If anyone ends up reading this, I'm sure your first thought is one that would look good with a colorful background posted on an inspirational pinterest board. Most people laugh and say, "you're still so young," "30 is the new 20!" and my favorite, "really?? you don't look 30!" I absolutely never thought the day would come when I wouldn't have a large, crazy countdown to my birthday and the inevitable birthday party I plan every year. I love the chance to see everyone and of course, I love the gifts! Gift giving is definitely one of my top love languages. Which on a side note, I feel the need to defend. It is not shallow to feel loved when you get gifts...for all you "words of affirmationers" out there...why do you need constant praise and reassurance?? I rest my case.

Okay so let's get all the positives out of the way. Yes, I lost a ton of weight and am so much happier living a fairly normal, healthy life. I also recently graduated from grad school and now have my Master's. And most importantly, I met a wonderful man that loves me and all my glitter E crazy ways.   In October, I am going to be moving into a beautiful apartment with him and my pups. I have many amazing friends and family, who have all been wonderful and allowed me to cry about my elderlyness. But none of this really is about the actual age of 30...

At 30, I was going to be married with 2 adorable little ones and 1 on the way! I was going to be living a comfortable lifestyle with the job of my dreams and amazing credit (ha!). I would be helping children and families during the day and then coming home to my adorable, cozy, perfectly decorated home and family. This is the birthday that is making me evaluate my life and everything I have and have not done up until this point. 

At (almost) 30, I have learned that not everything gets wrapped up into a perfect little glitter E bow. In order to get the job of my dreams, I had to struggle through grad school and now I am at the awkward stage of looking for jobs, being unemployed, and having too much time to sit and think about what I wish my life looked like at 30. I have had the honor to be involved in the engagements and weddings (one soon to be!) of my 3 very best friends, as they marry the men of their dreams. My brother proposed to his girlfriend (overlooking all of London-ugh hate/love them) and we are going to be a welcoming another cute, blonde into the family. My sweet and loving boyfriend has made me feel more supported and loved than I ever have in my life and has brought some absolutely amazing new people into my life, including his sweet daughter Faith. So what is the problem?

Change. I hate it. Good or bad, I hate change. I am sure if (he hates when I say that) I ever get engaged, I will be so happy but I will also have a very hard time with it. Change and transition just throw my world upside down. I like routines and comfort and having a plan. The unknown terrifies me. With all the unknowns in my life right now, I am just not ready to have the change of leaving my 20s. Anyone who really knows me, knows I am a talker. There are many people who already know that I have been dreading my birthday this year, I am not skilled in holding in emotions. The best response I have had to my expression of anxiety over this birthday was hands down from my 10-year-old cousin, Anneliese.

She saw me crying, as I was stressing about everything in my life that was wrong for a 30 year old, and when she asked what was wrong...I told her I was being silly but I just didn't feel ready to turn 30, yet. She did not tell me I was crazy, she didn't tell me to stop and she just gave me a big hug. She then sat quietly (playing with my hair...my favorite thing in the world) for a moment and said to me, "You know this year I had a hard time turning 10. I was nervous about being in the double digits. I realized that never in my life will I only be 1 digit anymore." It was the most perfect, precious and honest response I could have asked for from anyone. I realized there are just some people out there like Anneliese and myself. It may not be rational or understood by the majority of people, but it is who we are. It takes us a little bit longer than everyone else to embrace something new, no matter how wonderful and exciting the change may eventually be. 

This post is not going to have a cute little wrap up about me embracing 30 and my knowledge that it will be the best year of my life...because quite frankly, I know nothing. I do not know how I will feel when I wake up tomorrow and realize I am 30 years old. I don't know if I will be happier after I receive gifts with inevitable glitter remnants that linger around for weeks. I have no idea if I would have been happier planning a huge 30th birthday party, instead of being mopey and telling everyone I wasn't going to celebrate this year. My life just happens to be in that weird awkward stage, just like my hair. You know, when you're trying to grow it out and you are so close to having long, pretty hair but currently it is in the unstylish "in-between" phase. I will just have to wait and see how things work out. Maybe my hairstylist, Sarah, will tell me I burnt the ends of my hair again and I will be forced into a new, cute, stylish haircut. Or maybe I will finally reach the point that my waiting and hard work pays off and I will get a job helping families and being one step closer to that life I've always wanted, with beautiful long hair, of course. 

I guess I just have to keep waiting...I will live through this dirty age of 30. Why do they call it that anyway? Dirty 30 is the perfect analogy for my birthday this year. I literally and metaphorically have some cleaning up to do. I HATE when things are dirty. I want that clean, pretty, gorgeous life. Maybe it is a good thing that I have this chance to take a good, hard look at my life and clean up some areas that I am not comfortable living in. Maybe it takes a random birthday to evaluate life and make changes for the better, even if those changes will make things messier before they get straightened. Maybe I will just keep making up metaphors and no one will understand this post that made so much sense to me at the time when I was 29. So in the last day of my 20s...through all the upcoming dirt, I happened upon a little bit of sparkle. And this my friends...is what I call a game-changer. 

Okay, so mayyyyybe I will be forced to acknowledge my 30th birthday because I found this adorable "Happy Birthday" headband at J. Crew Factory. I won a competition at work (competing with co-workers 5-10 years younger than me) and this was my prize. As you all know, if you read earlier in this post, I hate waiting. I couldn't possibly wait until 31 to wear this headband. I will never turn down an excuse to wear something glitter E in my hair. And...this is a headband for children, found in  "crewcuts" which still fits my head perfectly. So maybe, just maybe...I will be able to focus on this glitter E cuteness and see through the dirty of my 30. Guess I will find out soon enough! <3 E

All that is glitter E is not gold

Anyone who knows me can tell you I start thinking about my birthday as soon as the weather gets warm. On August 19th, I will be 29 years old. What used to be an event I planned for months, has turned into something that gives me anxiety. I know, I know...I'm still "young". Every year now, my birthday makes me evaluate my life. What have I done in my 29 years of life? Why am I not where I want to be? What is wrong with me? I should be married with at least 2 kids. I should own an adorable little starter family home. My job should be paying me tons of money and I should be debt free. Sadly, none of these things are true.

Instead, I face my 29th year with a world of unknown. I had to quit my job of 7 years to move on to my next chapter of student teaching. I have to come to the realization that I am not marrying the man I was planning my life with. When a doctor orders a test, I have no idea how I will get it taken care of with no health insurance. Owning a home and having a family seems like an unreachable, very far away, dream.

I don't know what this year will bring for me and that is terrifying. Anyone who has anxiety can relate to the fear of the unknown. And worse than the unknown, is the picture my mind can create of everything that can go wrong this year. I have a very active imagination.

This past year I've been on some horrible and wonderful dates but one really sticks out in my mind. When a guy asked me to drive to dinner, since he wasn't as familiar with the area, I gladly agreed. He got into my car and we were barely out of the driveway before he quickly turned my music off. When I asked him why he did that, he said... "Your music is too loud and it sounds like something a teenager would listen to. You're almost 30 years old, maybe you should start acting like it because that is very unattractive." I did what any mature "almost 30 year old" would do and I turned it up louder. Luckily, he said he was willing to still see me if I was willing to work on the things he did not like, one being loud music. Yes, this is a true story and no, I did not see him again.

The part that bothers me the most is what I did after this wonderful second date. I went home and cried. Maybe I do need to lower my music. Why am I doing this all wrong? Why didn't he like me? I cried for awhile and then realized...I really like my loud music. It makes me smile and dance and feel "teenagery" happy. I don't have a baby in the car or a sound system that is illegal so why can't I listen to my loud music? Well guess what sir, I can! I am very far from perfect and there are many things in my life that I am working on and trying to change. Music is not one of them and it does not need to be because someone else did not like it. I have to stop and ask myself "Am I okay with who I am and what I am doing?" If I am, who am I changing for?

I know I am jumping around a bit (focus is something I plan to work on in year 29) but, I recently had the amazing and awful task of telling children I work with that I am leaving my job. I am super excited to say that they are all ending services, which is a great thing and the goal for every child that receives mental health services. That means they are doing great and they don't need my help anymore. These are kids that I have worked with for 2, 3 and sometimes even more years! Naturally, they were anxious about the change (me too) so in typical weird Elizabeth fashion, I came up with a solution. I told my clients they would never have to worry because I would always be with them, literally...

Meet "Mini Miss Elizabeth"

The kids loved it and we all got a good laugh out of this hand-held version of me. After giving my last one away, I got in my car and was bummed that I had no mini-me left. This is SO typical of me. I realized this was so symbolic of a major problem I have in my life. I give all of myself away and don't have any Elizabeth available to take care of myself. I fought so hard to change that over the last year and I am writing this post to force myself back on track. My thoughts are out in the world and even if no one reads this, I know they are here. If I give all of my mini miss Elizabeths away who takes care of Elizabeth? The answer is no one. Sometimes the best thing you can do is be selfish and worry about yourself for a change. Only then can you truly help other people and be the best person you can be. So my first step of getting back on my glitter E track is going to focus on reframing my negative anxieties into positive hopefulness.

1. You lost 130 pounds this year...be proud of yourself.
2. Loud music and dancing makes you happy...do it as often as possible.
3. You helped a lot of children and their families in the past 7 years and you are going to help more.
4. You are moving on because you are getting your Master's degree and bettering yourself.
5. The life you planned is different now...maybe different can mean better.
6. You have no money because you're in grad school...trust that it will all work out.
7. Having a family will be so amazing because I have been waiting for the perfect one!
8. Everything is happening for a reason and embrace this exciting change with positivity.
9. Continue trying to be the best person you can be daily in every decision you make.
10. Save some mini Miss Elizabeth to make sure you are taking care of yourself.
11. Continue focusing on your health and happiness in balance with helping others.
12. Imagine how glitter E that first grade class will be by Christmas time!!!!

I hope anyone who reads this will take the time to reframe some of your anxiety into hope. Only 9 more days until my 29th birthday! I'm going to go do something for myself to continue celebrating 28! Love you all <3 E

Glitter and... Dirt?

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the post office. Exciting, I know! I had all of my boxes packed up, taped, labeled, and ready to go. I'm not going to lie, I was pretty impressed with myself. After being in the post office for about 2 minutes, I was told I had all the wrong boxes and labels and would have to cut apart the boxes to fix it. Needless to say, I was frustrated and slightly embarrassed. 

I was friendly and talkative during my extended visit to the post office, so I guess the man (who was not helping me) thought he could start cracking jokes about my intelligence level. Well, I laugh at myself often and the first few were okay. As it continued, he said something of course about being blonde (that's everyones favorite) and then he said I definitely wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. It was then that I decided to respond with, "I may not be the best at packing boxes to send, but I am sharp in some areas." 

The sweetest woman (who was helping me) looked right at me and said, "don't do that." She then went on to say, "you know who you are and you don't ever need to explain yourself to some jerk." That jerk happened to be her co-worker and I was slightly shocked. I thought about this for the rest of the day and even weeks later. She was so right and I was thankful to have messed those boxes up because it was absolutely something I needed to hear. 

Most of you know, I have been attempting to train for a tough mudder in June. I recently met someone who had completed a couple of spartan races and lived to tell about it. He, in a very kind way, told me that I needed to be okay with getting dirty, bruised, and bloody to finish the race. This terrified me and I really wondered if that was something I could do. After thinking about it the next few days...I decided to test myself. Here's how it went...

My serious wood pile...I really carried all that!

So, I learned two things today...

1. Apparently I like to make a claw hand /angry face combo to show I did something strong.

2. If you don't think you can do something, just try it. If someone else thinks you can't do something, try harder and prove them wrong.

Happy Easter week!

 

Yay it's Easter week! These are very simple Easter decorations to make! The bunny was obviously bought, but filling his basket with jelly beans made him the perfect center piece on an Easter table! 

The next is my jellybean topiary! This is definitely time consuming, but very easy. I chose to get pastel jelly beans because I thought they were cuter, but any will work! And then I got a styrofoam topiary shape (Michaels or AC Moore) and just started hot gluing! If you can find a fun candle holder that's a perfect base for your jelly bean tree but not necessary! 

The last is my favorite! I made tiny cracks at the top of the egg and then poured the egg into a bowl. I then rinsed the shells out with vinegar! Don't worry if the top is cracked looking, that adds character! I then found cute egg holders from crate & barrel and set the eggs in there to dry. Lastly, I put a little soil (with a spoon) in the egg half way. Then I stuck a pretty little flower in and filled the rest of the egg up with soil and a few drops of water... And there you go! They were a super cute place setting for each Easter guest! You will be amazed how long they last! Have fun and DIY for Easter this year! 

Becoming E again!

Don't forget for my friends with little ones around...the last song is a little dirty, but I had to! Hope you like it! :)

I got 99 problems...

...and got rid of 100 in 1!!!!

First workout...

to one year later...

***Warning- Video may contain explicit language!***